Relief

Dear Janey,

I'm a little relieved your hubby is out of town, though I have to admit being surprised at the news. On the other hand, a golf outing to Oregon with 16 pleated-pants wearing suburban motherfuckers sounds like a little slice of hell. That could be my punishment come judgement day: "I hereby sentence you to umptillion years riding around in a golf cart with 16 Short Hills former frat boys, all wearing pleated Dockers and pink polo shirts."

The relief comes from having dodged el llame de boote for the past week or so and being able to dodge it for another five days.

So your kid is the class bully, huh, Janes? Beat up another kid last week and you had to deal with the principal? Hmmm, now let's recap for the folks -- he was nearly kicked out of camp for being the bully. And now you're getting the calls from school about the same thing. Can you say, "Acting out"???

You may be dipping into the funds you had set aside for the bar mitzvah a little early in order to pay for that therapy he so clearly needs.

But no, your hubby wanted to punish him for fighting in school by taking away something important to him -- Fantasy Football, or whatever the fuck that is. And mommy decided that punishment was too harsh... well, isn't that the point of punishment? You punish your child for misbehaving to clearly demonstrate that there are consequences for actions.

Well, I just offered him a sympathetic ear and told him he's going to fuck up his kids anyway, so he may as well do it the way that's most comfortable for him.

It does my heart good to see how effective modern parenting is.