Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Mambo the Wonder Cat

Well, everyone, I think I need to share my secret with the world.

Mambo, my 15-year-old cat, has kitty superpowers.

He can tell time AND the Force is with him.

I know he can tell time because when the clock says "5:30" he wakes up and immediately starts doing the Bristol Stomp all over my gooshy parts -- how he knows to go for boobs and bladder is a mystery. And I know that the Force is with him, because he is able to make me do his bidding with one small gesture of the front paw. All he needs to do is put one paw on my pillow, one place where he is expressly forbidden to walk, and I get up like a SHOT. Only he's not all mellow and Obi-Wan about it, he's more Samuel L Jackson as Mace Windu -- "You wanna get your motherfuckin' ass outta bed, motherfucker, or I'm gonna motherfuckin' piss all over your sorry-ass head."

(To all of you who let your cats walk and sleep on your pillows -- I don't care how much you love your cat, it's still an animal that drags its feet through shit several times a day. Think about that.)

Who is the trained one here? Hmmmm.


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