Friday, May 20, 2005

You're Out of Order! Question #4

4. Is the content of your blog fiction, and if not, do you plan to reveal yourself to the "Jane" to which you write? Do you know her, see her, regularly in your life?

The content of my blog is 100% truth....dialogue is as close as I can remember, probably with some literary embellishment. As for "Dear Jane," I've met her once, and actually found her to be a very nice person. She was nice to me, at least. Then again, she probably wouldn't be so nice to me if she knew I was her husband's Special Naked Friend.

She did comment (when we met) how much she liked my perfume, wanted to know what it was, etc., so like a fool, I told her. Hint to you women out there: When another woman admires your signature scent and asks what it is, LIE. Lie like a rug. Or if you're me, lie like an Oriental rug. 'Cause what happened next is that she ran out and BOUGHT my f----n' perfume! I should have told her it was Youth Dew by Estee Lauder or some other noxious old woman scent like that.

The next week, her husband asked me not to wear that scent anymore because now his wife was wearing it, and I quote, "I keep smelling you all over my house."

Paranoid fantasies abounded in my overactive little brain -- for a while I was convinced that he had gone home with my scent on him, she smelled it when we met, and figured out that he was cheating on her with me, and was engaging in some duplicity of her own to catch him out. So I changed to my 2nd favorite scent for awhile, then a mix of essential oils that absolutely can't be duplicated, then started missing my smell. I just didn't smell like myself. Those of you who have read Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins will understand.

So, tough titty, I say. That's my damn perfume, I love-love-love the way it smells, so I'm wearing it again. Hint -- it smells like the best lemon cake you ever encountered.

I have no desire to meet, spend time with, socialize with, etc., with "Dear Jane." As George Costanza would be wont to say, "Worlds collide, Jerry, worlds collide!"


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