Wednesday, August 10, 2005

My Wish List

Dear Dickhead Asshat,

Start shopping. Or I start making you Google-able.

- iPod, the big one, not that crappy little $99 one
- Digital Camera
- Macintosh G5 with 20" monitor, dual processor and full graphics software package including Quark
- modular storage system for my closet room
- entry fees, airfare and hotel for me to participate in the Ride for the Roses.
- gift certificates for a year's worth of massages at Downtime Spa
- a new mountain bike for NYC commuting purposes
- diamond studs, minimum 1/2 carat each

And this is just the beginning. I'll keep updating as I see things I want.

Here's how I see it -- when your employee threatened to quit, thereby making your professional life uncomfortable, you came up with a great big fat raise for her.

This is just personal-discomfort avoidance for you.

Oh, and no more screwing in your office. Find a different place and make it good. Make it Soho-Grand good.

I want the dinners to start again. I really enjoyed the meals at Nobu, Peter Luger, Hanmura An, and Pearl Oyster Bar.

No more freebies.


At 8/10/2005 11:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At first I was curious about your entry “Your Husband is a Huge Dick”. Then I realized you were the “other woman” in a marriage (or whatever you want to call Jane’s situation). So I thought it would be best, before coming to a prejudicial opinion (they’re like assholes, everyone has one), that I read your entire blog from the beginning.
You can’t be interested (as you claim to be in your profile), really truly interested in Zen while participating in an affair. Doesn’t matter how, when or why, they conflict, period. It’s anti-Zen.
As I read on, I got mad and wanted to call you names like slut, whore, twat, and cunt. However, after some thinking, I feel very bad and sorry for you. You get what you deserve in life. You may think you’re chronicling the affair, but what you’re doing is humiliating yourself.
NEWSFLASH: Jane, the wife of the so-called-man you’re sleeping with, knows. She knows that her overweight husband cheats on her. She may not know the skank that he’s screwing, but she knows it’s not someone as good as her. You may think she doesn’t know. He may tell she doesn’t know, but she knows.
You are NOT a good person. I hope you strive to be better. I’m no damn bible thumping hick either. I’ve sinned. Maybe even worse. But I am trying to make a point.
ME…catholic raised, non participating member of the church, northeast living, democrat, liberal tree hugger, over-weight closing in on middle-age man.
Good luck.
And just so you can rant back at me…

At 8/11/2005 12:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dear anon -

it's easy to see that you don't know much about zen. and from the name-calling, you aren't much of a christian either. have you tried fundamentalist islam? i hear they're always looking for narrow-minded and judgemental people like yourself.

At 8/11/2005 3:51 PM, Blogger Jane Doe said...

Jane sez:

Hmm, anonymous, an extremely revealing, though poorly-reasoned and not-very-well-thought-out post.

How interesting that you demonize the person who DIDN'T make a vow before God, friends and family. Remember, A, I'm NOT the one breaking a promise here.

What's also interesting is that you must have been googled the words "huge dick" to come upon my blog post. What is it you are looking for at 11:00 on a weeknight, Anonymous? Pictures of boys? Hmmmm?

If you are trying to make a point, perhaps you could clarify it? Otherwise, this is just rage and bile poured out -- what is it you're sublimating, Anonymous, hmmm? Your rage at a past girlfriend who cheated on you?

I think what you're really mad at is that I'M NOT SORRY, that I'M NOT ASHAMED, and I don't feel or act like I am a "bad" girl. Again, I reiterate, I'm not the one who made a vow to love, honor and cherish and who is actively engaged in breaking that vow every chance I get.

(But from the way you call him a "so-called-man," it sounds like you're pretty mad at him, too. Maybe because he's getting away with something that you couldn't? hmmmm?)

You seem to have this rage toward me (a woman you have never met) and yet, you were surfing the web looking for "huge dick." Veddddddy interesting.

But then again, you did choose to look at my profile, which means you felt compelled to poke around more with your sticky, sweaty fingers.

It's easy to make judgements about people you don't know, isn't it? And it really does make you feel good about yourself to do that, doesn't it?

You know, I always find that it makes me feel better to call people names than to try to identify with them and accept that they, too, are as human as I am. Because the minute I start to see the humanity in someone else, that must mean that we aren't all separate selves, it must mean that we really are all the same.

In fact, to demonstrate how much we really are the same, I found your description of yourself so amusing. These words: "catholic raised, non participating member of the church, northeast living, democrat, liberal tree hugger" describe me to a tee. (Though I would hyphenate properly.) I even work in a liberal tree-hugging job.

I won't even get into your ignorance about Buddhism, other than to say I make no claims to enlightenment, which I most likely won't achieve in this lifetime, but in this lifetime I'm attempting instead to focus on conscious, compassionate awareness, and like most people, 9 days out of 10, I fail miserably.

One of the first things I put in my profile is a statement about kindness. And sadly, that is the one element that is totally absent from your vitriolic comment. Basic kindness. It is the easiest thing in the world, and yet you chose to work really hard to be unkind. So my request to you, Anonymous, is to go out and try to be nice to the deli man, the gas station attendant, and the guy who cuts your grass.

But you know what? Let me try that name-calling thing just once, cause I'd really like to see how it feels.

Closet-case fucktard.

There, I feel better.

At 8/11/2005 5:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jane Doe,

It's amazing that you could actually read my mind or state of mind during this letter to you. But that was not how I was feeling.

A. I was not trying to demonize you at all.

B. I found you writing very compelling. I actually look forward to future entries, although I now feel that I am participating in something wrong. Not evil. Just wrong.

C. I don't think that you are a bad person; I think I said you are NOT a good person (in the sense of what the common folk [me, and I want to say you, but fear of retribution from you for including you with me, I can not speak for you] would "strive" to be.

D. I haven't been faithful all the times. And although I expressed my opinion, I refute your claim that I am judging you because I just find the situation curious and I get the sense that you are fighting some kind of personal demon. I have had more girlfriends cheat on me though, you are correct.

E. Guys fool around on their wives. Men don't. If you're fooling around on someone whether you're married or not, you're a guy. A man, in my definition, doesn't do that.

F. Huge dick thing. Forgetaboutit.

G. And to show you that I deserve any type of punishment/harrassment/feedback you want to give me, because I am sure I deserve it, I did leave my e-mail address.

Jane Doe, you are intriguing, and I honestly wish you well. I spent close to an hour thinking of what to say and how to phrase my thoughts before writing. I'm sure you'll take it instride. YOu seem to have a decent head on your sholders and you are a talented writer.

Be well.

At 8/12/2005 8:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous, Who the FUCK do you think you are? How can you say you are not sitting in judgment when you are calling a person you don't know AT ALL names? And to top it off you pick the bottom of the barrel foul names. And to follow up the name calling by "feeling bad and sorry for her”, just continues your unfounded judgments. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! You have cheated before and you may choose not to cheat again. But that is YOUR choice and each person gets the right to make their own choices. If you want to read her blog, go for it, she is a great writer. If you want to be supportive and be a "good person", please do that as well. But so far, all I have seen is a person who thinks it is ok to bash someone, to sit is judgment, and who never got past the name calling of his youth. So now some word to live by the blog meanie “If you don't have something nice to say.....SHUT THE FUCK UP! You are giving “good tree hugging, democrats from the northeast” a bad name.

At 8/12/2005 9:33 PM, Blogger Jane Doe said...

Wow, a blog beatdown. Thanks, whoever you are!

At 8/13/2005 7:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

After my own years of blogging, I can tell you that anyone who writes in a Comments section is somehow intimately affected by the blogger's words.

It always makes sense when a Comment is supportive or simply offering commentary, but sometimes it seems to make no sense as to why a Comment would be made JUST to state a blast of disapproval or anger or hate. What is the payoff in that? What could anyone possibly gain from displaying disapproval or destructive criticism of another person, especially in this type of remote forum?

Well, after years of blogging I have discovered that the payoff for those who make UNsupportive Comments is the same as the payoff for those who make Supportive Comments:


The man who posted his judgments of The Dear Jane Project is dealing with HIS "demons," "wrongs," "sorrows," lack of goodness, process of hurts and angers, feelings of humiliation, etc. In that one post he may have looked at issues having been ignored for a long time. In that displacement of judgment against the author of TDJP, he may have freed himself from his own condemnation, or, at least, made a small dent in it.

If there is any question as to my theory, just reread his entries with an eye to the fact that his words are more of a confession than anything else. Though held at arm's length by the distance of intellectual presentation, his entries are deeply revealing.

For the record, and as a call to all people who do not understand the word,... "Judgment" DOES include the act of calling someone derogatory names (even if only after back-peddling), sharing criticisms and comparisons, using words of classification such as "wrong," and "good," and stating unfounded, conclusive truths. For the man to claim that judgment is not a part of his entries that clearly include all of the above is either ignorant, naive, or delusional.

JUDGMENT is a part of life. It's natural. It's not something to avoid, avert, or take personally. It's a process of gathering and offering information, however accurately or inaccurately that may be done.

Call it what it is.

In the end, the author of TDJP has, once again, offered a form of healing through her raw, honest journaling. However we stand in judgment of the experience of infidelity, we can each find an area of our own lives that could use the same introspection this blogger exemplifies.

So, fellow blogger, take the judgments from strangers for what they are, whether in "good" or "bad" form, and thank you for painstakingly packaging your days in words for all of us to use to our liking.


At 8/15/2005 12:26 PM, Blogger Jane Doe said...

Dear YKW --

That's one of the best descriptions of projection that I've read in a long time.

The last words of the Buddha: "Be a lamp unto yourself."



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