Sunday, October 30, 2005

So much for my happy ending

You know things are bad when you quote an Avril Lavigne song in your blog post title.

Not that I expected a happy ending. But what always, always, always catches me by surprise is when people are mean, selfish, or thoughtless. That sort of behavior is always astonishing to me. To get a one-two punch from two different people on two different days has laid me out for the past week.

You know what? I don't ever want to be so cynical that I expect and accept people to be mean, selfish or thoughtless. I want to always be surprised by it, to always believe in people's better nature rather than expect the worst from them. This isn't blind Pollyanna-ism. I have a genuine belief that people are inherently good, so when someone demonstrates behavior to the contrary, I actually do experience heartbreak and grief.

So when someone behaves in a way that is deliberately mean, or careless and selfish, it has the capacity to take my breath away.

I don't even want to go into this right now. I've been so sad for the past week that I've been near tears several times a day since I woke up on Wednesday. And IN tears as well.

The Dalai Lama says that a broken heart is an open heart.

I'm realllllly trying to come from that place right now.


At 11/01/2005 2:40 PM, Blogger Anocsanamun said...

I took note that your banner changed. What happened??? I know this sounds so sick. But out of genuine concern, Please take note of my email address. Janey! I want to make sure your ok. For as much as I love your writing, getting to know that little piece of your brain you share here amuses me so much, I am inclined to make sure the rest of you will be alright to.
I'm here, as your cyber Girlfriend to offer moral support. And you live close so if you need a drink to drown out sorrows - it's on me.
Hope your better

At 11/08/2005 6:58 PM, Blogger Jane Doe said...

aggh -- so much change -- i think i will come into work to disgorge it all here this weekend.


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