Friday, November 25, 2005

A Couple of Things That Make Me Want to Push You In Front of A Moving Train

1. You use words like "closure," or "empowerment" in an unironic way.

2. You use the phrase "It's all good," right after something really cruddy has happened. You know what, dummy? It's not all good. Sometimes it's downright crappy, and you mouthing claptrap and platitudes at me is not going to make it better.

3. You wear a fauxhawk or anything else that smacks of hipster or Chelsea clone fashion. If you spend more time artfully mussing your hair with product than Dolly Parton spends on her wigs, you deserve a good flick to the forehead.

4. Basically, if you get on the "L" train between Graham Avenue and Bedford Avenue, I want to push you in front of said train.

5. You call movies "films."

6. You are a singer/songwriter who hasn't gotten over Jeff Buckley. Let the yodeling die, please. I beg you.

7. You are not nice to service people. If I observe you being condescending and snotty to waitpeople and taxi drivers, you are a condescending and snotty person. Then again, if someone at the table has to have their food spit in, better that it's your entree and not mine.


At 12/03/2005 3:20 PM, Blogger Anocsanamun said...

How about anyone who comes on from Myrtle to BEdford should be pushed in front of the train...

At 12/23/2005 1:55 AM, Blogger CocteauBoy said...

I know this was written playfully (?), but sometimes I worry that we too eagerly blanket our (self-?)resentments and contempt across so many unsuspecting, innocent people.

I have lived in primarily "Black" neighborhoods quite often and have been attacked on several occasions in different ways just because I am White. I remember feeling how hateful and violent the behavior was toward someone they knew nothing about, and how completely off-base they were in their assumptions about my presence in "their" neighborhood. Even though I don't think I was ever presumptuous about people, I swore I would never presume anything about anyone, ever, if I could help it.

I think it is a really lazy and selfish thing for me to draw entire conclusions about a person because of superficial or trivial idiosyncrasies. I have such an ecclectic group of really great friends now because of my choice to see beyond the sometimes-shocking differences among us.

Believe me, I wouldn't have ANY friends if I were to dismiss them based on trivial differences, let alone MAJOR differences... because, not only do I have Homophobic, REPUBLICAN friends (I am so not kidding), but I have friends who proudly eat animals, flaunt their wearing of real fur, tease me about animal cruelty as a form of humor, and regularly engage in far more deceiptful and unethical behavior than mere bad taste in music or trendy hairstyles. LOL! I mean, IF ONLY bad music, bad grammar, and homogenizing trends were the issue! OMG, I'd be in bliss.

I know what it feels like to want to push some people in front of a train, because sometimes I ACHE for people to CARE for JUST A FUCKING LITTLE BIT more than their own levels of convenience, greedy needs, and adolescent demands. In the end, I always (try to) decide to just BE the person I wish others would be, and see past the surface of even the most obnoxious, self-indulgent, and irritating of people. Most of the time, there are some really soft, warm, lonely, wounded people lurking below. There is really very little that makes us THAT different underneath our tastes, behavior, politics, and wishes.

And if all of that effort doesn't work, I do find that a sledge hammer to the back of their head is far more satisfying than a push in front of a train.


PS don't you hate people who use "LOL" and "OMG" and who abuse adverbs?


Post a Comment

<< Home